I Give Up!

question-marks-9When men get together at the senior care facilities here in Florida, the conversation generally turns to politics, sports or dirty jokes. Not everyone can tell a joke well and so those who can’t tell one or just don’t remember any, might resort to telling a riddle or two. Since none of us have any writers and we’ve been out of circulation for awhile, the riddles have probably been around the internet for awhile and you may have heard them before. Continue reading

What’s Up Doc?

gpIf you can’t get rich being a doctor down here in Florida, then you wasted all those years going to college to become one. Getting a degree to become a doctor in Florida is like winning the lottery. New construction sites go up on an almost daily basis here and they are usually for 1) new housing developments, 2) shopping centers and 3) doctor’s offices. Around the middle of September, when the weather up north starts to get a bit chilly and elderly people start to wear Long Johns and Snuggies, the Metamucil migration begins. Doctors start to advertise for more nurses to cover their practice, like vultures during a feeding frenzy. Yet, it is very rare that you can get an appointment with any doctor before a week or two, unless you are willing to see his Physician’s Assistant. Continue reading

It’s All In The Language

eating_lunchThe senior facility in Florida, where I am living, offers 3 meals a day. The breakfast meal is served at 8:00am and, because of the early hour, many of the residents would rather sleep late and less than half of them are in attendance. The lunch meal is scheduled for 12:30pm and is considered to be the primary meal of the day. Dinner is held at 5:30 and those of us who don’t mind having heartburn or indigestion from the lunch meal, come down to the dining room so that the Pepto-Bismol they bought at Walmart will not go to waste. There is no reserved seating and the newcomers are always invited to sit with different people during meals so that they can meet new friends. Once new friends have been established, those people will usually try to arrange to sit at the same table with each other during future mealtimes.

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Ya Gotta Dive Right In

man_in_poolWhen a person reaches retirement age and decides that he is going to move down to Florida to spend the rest of his years, he must first go down to look around for a place to live. Now, looking for a retirement community in Florida is like trying to single out a particular star up in heaven at night. The choices are endless. First, you have to decide on location. Is the facility near an airport, so that the kids will be able to fly in to visit? If there is no airport within 30 minutes, you don’t even look at it. Now, you look at the facility from the outside. Does it look rich enough so that when you send pictures to your friends back home, they will envy you while they are freezing their asses off in the winter time? Continue reading

Only the Righteous May Enter

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When I found out that a friend of mine had moved down to Florida and was now living not too far away from me, I decided to pay him a visit. We arranged to meet at his new home and perhaps go to lunch afterwards. Little did I know what I was in for. The senior facility that my friend had moved in to was known as a ‘gated and guarded community’ which meant that I had to stop at the gate and see a guard before being allowed to enter. It was only about a 20 minute drive from where I lived and so the morning ride was a very pleasant one. Continue reading