HURRICANE IRMA WEATHER REPORT
DATE: September 10, 2017
LOCATION: Deltona, Florida
SKIES: No longer visible.
WINDS: Oh boy!
RAIN: Glub, Glub, Glub.
HUMIDITY INDEX: Are you kidding me???
ACTIVITIES: This afternoon’s Bocci Ball has been replaced with swimming practice.
FOOD SHOPPING BUS TO PUBLIX: For what? The shelves are all empty.
DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS: Good luck! Like our Congressmen, they are all on extended vacations.
SECOND THOUGHTS: I knew I never should have donated my galoshes to Good Will.
EMERGENCY SERVICE NUMBERS: Take your pick – 911, God…
SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS TO THOSE WHO IGNORED EVACUATION ORDERS
Find the highest place in your home.
Go into the bathroom.
Spread your legs about 12 inches apart.
Bend down and put your head between your legs.
Kiss your ass goodbye.