In my last post, I described some of the insanity that takes place when the game of Bingo is played here. I also promised to tell you about something called ‘Chocolate Bingo’, so here goes. Chocolate Bingo is played exactly the same way that regular Bingo games are played. The only difference is that instead of some money going to the winner, he or she gets to choose from an assortment of chocolate candies as a reward. Some people have been complaining that the game is fixed because the overweight women are winning most of the time and they think that the caller might be in collusion with them. They think there is a cover up. Personally, I think that they have been watching too much Fox News these days.
Now there is a gentleman here who loves to play Chocolate Bingo and always shows up for a game. I want him to remain anonymous and so I will simply refer to him as ‘Frankie’. Now, Frankie really doesn’t belong in an Independent facility, he really needs to be in an Assisted Living facility. You see, he evidently has two bulbs missing from his chandelier and he is two sandwiches short of a complete picnic, (if you catch my drift) but everyone here likes him and tolerates him. As simple as the Bingo rules are, Frankie does not understand them. He only plays Chocolate Bingo because he doesn’t want to win money but he wants to win chocolates. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, whenever he plays, he buys just one card. When the third number of a game is called, Frankie calls out “BINGO”, much to the chagrin of all the other players. You see, it is impossible for anyone to have Bingo after only three numbers have been called. You know it, I know it and all the other players know it – but Frankie doesn’t know it. It takes only a minute or two for a few of the women to convince him that he does not have a Bingo yet, so that the game can go on. When the next number is called, guess who has Bingo again. You’re right, it’s Frankie and he continues to call out “BINGO” with every succeeding number that is called until every player in attendance is taking some Tylenol. Needless to say, since the other players all know what to expect when Frankie is in the game, all residents must be checked for weapons before being allowed to enter the room. It is only after someone gives Frankie a Baby Ruth and tells him that he won and the game is over, that he finally leaves the room in order for the game to continue.
So, there you have it and you now know the main reason that I don’t go to Bingo games here. I would rather go down to the local gas station and watch the mosquitoes fly into the Exxon sign.