This is Really Nuts

About a year ago, a story appeared in the local newspapers and was a featured story on the Channel 2 News, concerning a squirrel that was attacking residents in a senior facility in Deltona, Florida, named Sterling Court. I was there at the time and I still reside there.

Crazy Squirrel (Callospermophilus lateralis)

For those of you who don’t remember the story or who never heard of it, I refer you to this link, Squirrel Attack in Deltona. At the time of the attacks, the facility set out some traps in order to catch the varmint before it did any further damage. As weeks went by, the traps remained empty and, as the attacks had stopped, the traps were removed from the premises. Efforts were made to find the squirrel so that the Health Department could determine whether it was rabid, but the squirrel was never found. Now however, the squirrel may have finally been located.

A recent news story claims that a rabid squirrel has attacked 5 people in a park entrance, located in Brooklyn, NY. It is amazing how our squirrel could have gotten onto a plane and travelled 1500 miles without being detected but considering how lax airport security is these days, it is not so surprising. It would seem that the squirrel travelled to New York, thinking that he probably would find more nuts there. At any rate, I have now read where certain precautions are being taken in order to beef up security.

Donald Trump has ordered the National Guard to surround Trump Towers and drones from the nearby Air Force base have been circling overhead as a precaution. Mr. Trump has also asked the City Council to insist that all illegal squirrels be vetted before being allowed to enter Brooklyn. Of course, those squirrels who have been in the city since Pearl Harbor and who have families there, will be allowed to stay without being deported back to New Jersey. Needless to say, they will have to apply for New York citizenship but that will be handled at a later date by the borough President, (whoever the hell that is). The Mayor of New York, Mr. DeBlasio, has also approved a march down 5th Avenue, which will protest the capture of any squirrels and the ASPCA will sponsor the march. Senator Chuck Schumer has asked the Senate to investigate how the squirrel was able to cross the border leading from New Jersey without proper credentials and to see if Chris Christie was personally involved. If it is approved, it will be the 32nd investigation taking place at the same time by the Senate Investigation committees and Fox News is chomping at the bit at the thought of it. The investigation will take place sometime in the beginning of December, when Congress comes back from their annual 5 month vacation.

As further details emerge, I will attempt to keep you posted on the results. In the meantime, it is advised that all Florida residents be very vigilant and careful as word had gotten around that the squirrel may have organized some Sanctuary Cities near the Orlando area and they have enlisted the help of some mice and a few hungry, scrawny looking cats who will attempt to continue their terror activities. Some residents have already signed on to build a wall around Florida in order to keep the illegal alien squirrels out, but only if Georgia agrees to pay for it. Stay tuned.

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